Avery's 2 1/2 week stay in the NICU

When a baby is born, there is a sense of joy and welcoming that happens. Family members gather at the hospital to welcome their new grandaugther, neice, sister etc. Happiness and relief fills that air and everyone shares in this monumentous occassion.

Now.....when Avery Grace was born.....things were a little different. After being in this world for only minutes, Avery was whisked away to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. She was born 6 weeks early and the team at Strong had to complete lots of tests, probing, poking, observing. After I gave birth, everything that I expected to happen, happended a lot differently. I handed over my child to the hands of complete strangers. The baby girl that I had close to me for 7 1/2 months, was gone from me and now in this scary place called the NICU. There wasn't much rejoicing that I remember, and the bassinet that was placed in my room (that was supposed to contain my new little bundle of joy) was empty. People that came to visit me, expected to see the baby and had a hard time with not being able to meet her. They came to see me but you could see the look of disappointment on their face when I told them that the baby could not have visitors.

Before I could even visit Avery in the NICU, I had to have Keith check it out. What was this place? I was scared of what I would see there. Keith reassured me that everything was OK and I remember making my first trip to visit little Avery. Before you could enter the NICU, you had to "scrub" for 3 minutes. The soap that they gave you to scrub smelled like medicine and it literally took off several layers of your skin. Avery was in pod D2 which was in the back of the NICU, meaning that I literally had to walk through many "isolets" to get to her. I saw 1 1/2 pound babies, I saw tubes and IV's. I saw mother's crying and fathers straining their necks to catch a glimpse of their own child in the hands of a nurse or doctor. I saw desperate faces, jumping at every BEEP and every BUZZ. I saw resperators, suctioning....I smelled antiseptic, diaper creme, medicine. I saw tired parent's faces, I felt stale air hit my nostrils. I noticed other mother's looking at me, wondering what child I was there to see. Was my child "better off" than theirs? Was my child going home?

When I got to Avery's isolet, I remember feeling a wave of depression. My beautiful baby girl was so tiny, so little. She was in a place that I couldn't get to her, locked away in a little plastic bubble. I couldn't kiss her, I couldn't hold her right away. I literally had to ask a nurse about my OWN child. Could I hold her? Could I touch her? Was she OK? The nurse was very nice and explained everything. That first time I held little Avery (after the birth), I felt happiness that I never had felt before, mixed with a knowing that this was all going to be a very LONG haul.

The next 2 1/2 weeks went by with a lot of tears. Avery was placed under phototherapy lights for a lot of her stay at the NICU as she was extremely jaundiced. She was monitored closely as she had periods of apnea and bradycardia that caused her to stop breathing for a few seconds and this affected her cardiac functioning. I would drive from Brockport every day and stay at the hospital for 12 hours a day, staring at her......some days I could hold her when I wanted....some days I could only hold her every 3-4 hours for 1/2 hour at a time. My heart broke, my sanity was tested. Bad thoughts would go through my head and I would pray to God that he would give me the strength to deal with this very difficult time. This little miracle was right in front of me.....but was she OK? Everyone reassured me, told me that she was one of the "more healthy" babies there. That really didn't make me feel better. If she was healthy, why wasn't she HOME?

I would go into further detail but I think everyone has really gotten the gist of what these 2 1/2 weeks were like for me. It was, without a doubt, one of the hardest things that I would deal with in my lifetime.....not just as a parent, but as a human being. But....although it tested everything in me, it also was another one of God's lessons to me about patience. A lesson that I will never forget and a lesson that has made me that much stronger :) It seems like a distant memory to me now as I have had the pleasure of having my daughter home now for almost 2 months of her 10 week life thusfar. The joy that she has brought to my life has made all those tears and sadness melt and in their place, a strong, healthy beautiful blessing : ) Amen!!!! I say, Amen!!!! I also want to give a shout out to my absolutely amazing husband, Keith. Through all of this, Keith was right by my side. He is truly the best father in the world, and the best husband and partner for me. Avery and mommy love you, Keith :)