January 2005- September 2005......The Journey Continues

Again, I am trying to bring everyone up to speed now. I started this blogging thing, hoping that my children would want to know what really happened the first 2 years of my marriage to their father. Everyone knows that my memory is sub-par, so I wanted to get it all down on paper (or on computer anyways) so that it was documented and I could never forget :)

So it started January 31, 2005. I took my last and final birth control pill. After looking at some charts and talking with my OB/GYN, I was like "Whoah! This is going to be a snap. You have sex on day 12 of your cycle and BOOM you are pregnant". So on February 14th (exactly on Day 12 of my cycle), Keith and I made a memorable Valentine's Day and I thought "Oh yeah! I am pregnant! I feel it!!". HELLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOO, can you say hypochrondria (sp?). I went through my 1st cycle, never getting pregnant (shock!). Because of my irregular periods, my OB/GYN (Dr. V) wanted to see me every month to monitor my "trying" process. To try not to be boring, I will fast forward a few months. I never got my period regularly throughout 3-4 cycles, so Dr. V told me that she was going to put me on fertility drug called Clomid in July 2005 to help regulate my cycles and make it easier to conceive. Let me tell you......Clomid is weird, man! 50 mg. gave me hot flashes and mood swings that would test the strongest of couples. Between trying to finish out grad school, working full-time, writing papers, trying not to piss off my husband too much with my nasty mood swings.....things were a little stressful around the Thompson household. (Oh yeah, add "looking for a house" to that list of things too).

I took 3 cycles of 50 mg. of Clomid and NOTHING. I took a million pregancy tests, ovulation tests, basal thermometer tests and they all tested my sanity. What the hell was wrong with me? Why didn't I just get pregnant, dammit! Keep in mind, doctors don't like a challenge. Dr. V didn't know what the heck was wrong with me? Why wasn't the Clomid working? Why wasn't I getting my period? Hmmm.....a big mystery. But that is why they get paid the big bucks, isn't it? Fix me! Because all I had heard, up to this point, was EVERYTHING that was wrong with me. I was overweight, my uterus was tipped, it looked like I got the radom ovarian cyst, my cycles were not regular, I wasn't ovulating.........I wasn't doing ANYTHING right.......and the funny thing was......I couldn't control any of it :( I wanted to apologize for my "lack of rightness" but I didn't know how to apologize for something that I had no control over. I was frustrated, sad and confused on what to do next. I asked God for the strength to deal with another month of disappointment. I asked God to show me the way and to lead me in the right direction. He is merciful and I know that if I was being punished for something that I did in my life, he had the power to forgive me and bless me with a family of my own.