Returning to Work After Maternity Leave.......

10 random thoughts.....

1.) Why don't I work at a place where there is daycare attached to my building, a gym and a more supportive network of mothers in the workplace?

2.) Trying to get to work by 7am with an infant, is a seemingly impossible task (EVEN when your hubby is doing 99.9% of the childcare in the morning). BUT on the flipside, working until 3:30 everyday seems like eternity!

3.) My work pants don't fit.....DAMNIT!

4.) My work shoes don't fit.....DOUBLE DAMNIT!

5.) When I'm at work, I don't understand why by boss thinks things like "monthly reports", "stats" and actually doing my JOB are important. Uh....I have more important things to worry about like if my daughter is going to sleep through the night, or how long she'll be in 0-3 month clothing, if her formula has enough DHA/ARA to improve her brain development, or if she is getting enough stimulation during the daytime hours....and most importantly....what outfit she's going to wear for Christmas :)

6.) I miss the dumb things that I got to do when I was home like.....making dinner, doing laundry, cleaning.....stuff like that. I can't imagine wasting ONE SECOND of doing these things which cut into the time I have to play with my daughter, give her baths, read her stories etc..

7.) What do I do if things don't go EXACTLY by my rigid new work/home schedule? If my daughter decides that she doesn't want to eat enough during the day and is up all night or she gets sick and isn't able to go to the babysitter, if my car (GASP!) decided to break down......It is scary to think about how I would react to these things......I guess I need to start thinking about if any of these things actually became a reality! Because right now, if we weren't on such a rigid schedule, things would seriously fall apart.

8.) I miss my husband. I miss talking about things other than my daughter, I miss getting out of the house with him on weekends, I miss the closeness we shared. I am sure it will come back, but in the meantime.....I just miss him....PERIOD.

9.) Work that is not fulfilling.....SUCKS!!!!! as it takes away from the "important time" that you have with your family. I'm not saying that everything I do at work is "unfufilling" but when you have even one MINUTE of work to do where you are wondering "What the heck!?!?!", it makes you wonder why you're doing it at all.....and why you are needing to do it at all.

10.) Bottom line.....being a mom and working (in any capacity) is a huge juggling act. My head is spinning and I have only been back to work for ONE WEEK. And all the while, I am thinking in my head that this is not just a temporary situation, there really is no end in sight and this is what I need to do indefinitely to provide financial support to our household. I will get used to all of this....I know I will....but in the meantime, I need to be patient with myself and with the other members of the household. God will see us through this....and I know that it is all for the best......