My thoughts at 22 weeks

I can't believe how long it has been since I have entered some info in
my blog! I am 22 weeks pregnant now (5 1/2 months for those of you who
can't stand me talking in WEEKS) and feeling great. All in all, it has
been a very great pregnancy! My tummy is rounding out and people
actually can figure out that I am pregant without me saying anything.
Thank goodness. I hated that "I just look fat" stage. My heartburn
continues but it is a little more sporadic. I have broken out a few
times (which has made me reminisce to my teenage years), but that seems
to have tapered off a bit. My appetite has been bigger than before, but
I wouldn't say out of control. I have gained about 12 pounds, which I
don't feel is totally unreasonable seeing as my doc anticipates me
gaining around 30 and I am already more than halfway through! I will
totally admit that I hate that part of the appointment when I step on
the scale, not knowing what to expect......but hey! I am pregnant. If
God needs me to gain weight and challenge my vanity a bit, I am fine
with it. It is all for the good of my new daugher, and that is all I
need to know. All I know is that every time I go to the doc, it is good
news. I still have a whole bunch of infertilty scars that just open up
every time I walk into a doctor's office......but God truly has watched
over me and allowed a lot of them to heal. He has been ever present in
my life and has given me this phenominal chance to be a mom.

At 19 weeks, Keith and I went to have an ultrasound and found out that
we were having a baby girl. I have to admit that I was so happy. Even
though, in the end, it would not mattered at all if I had a son or
daughter, I was so happy to be having a girl. I remember all the little
boy cousins that were borning into my family. Then my cousin Chelsea
came and I totally fell in love with her. I just love little girls and
I just know already that I am going to love my little daughter so much!
My daughter is the love of my life now and everything I do, every thought I have
somehow relates to her. She loves to move around inside me, kicking all
the while. She even let Keith feel her "soccer kicking feet" (hey...we
live in Brockport, the soccer capital of the world) 2 nights ago when I
was lying in bed. He was really amazed and afterward looked at me with
this knowing look and said "I love you". Keith is a man of few words so
with just a look and a cliche phrase, I knew just what this meant. He
is as utterly amazed as I am. It is funny how very much you can love
someone that you haven't even met yet. I have to laugh about it because
I never thought that it was possible to feel this way about someone. I
know the love I feel for Keith and understand how strong that is, but
this love that I have for my baby daughter is unlike any love I have
ever felt. It is amazing, powerful and a little scary. Although not yet
a parent in the physical sense of the word, I know a fraction of what
some of you parents out there must feel.

A lot of planning has happened. A lot of discussion has occured. I
think that Keith and I are really on the same page when we talk about
raising our daughter in our household. I am actually even meeting with
my boss on Friday to discuss working part-time. Isn't that funny? Me
working part-time. Who knew? I have always worked......since I was 14
for God's sake (not to mention all those babysitting jobs that I had
before that). When you think of me, you usually associate career and
strong work ethic. Well, luckily my husband also shares in these
traits, and he has gladly offered to take some of that burden off me. Although
it might be a little tight for a while, my husband and I would rather
know that I am home with my daughter 4 days per week versus having her
full-time in daycare. We aren't blessed with family that is available
to watch the little bambina, so daycare has been the only option. We are
blessed with too many other things to complain...... Although my
part-time schedule will definitely pull me in 2 directions (full-time
working women won't consider me a full-time career woman, and full-time
stay at home moms won't consider me a full-time mom), I feel it will be
the best fit for our family right now. And if I can find a good
daycare that is willing to raise my daughter 3 days per week, I will be 100%
reassured that this is the absolute right thing. The hunt is on.......I
know you're out there!!!

I hope I have done my best to update the world on where I'm at right
now in my journey to motherhood. I promise not to let this much time go
by, without updating this blog-thing again.